Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Screaming in the Night
I woke up in the middle of the night screaming. I have always believed that life sucks then you die always. I'm afraid that if I die alone no one will miss me or that no one would care, that i would rot in my grave. Most people are afraid of spiders or snakes but me I'm afraid of dying alone. I don't have many friends because i push people away so they can't stab me in the back. I'm not so much afraid of death as i am of dying and having not done anything it sucks being me because I always feel like the world is gonna fall down on me. I'm not old or anything but I worry about the dumbest things I guess.
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I think this is a fairly common fear among people. I don't know you, but I think it is safe to say you probably will not die alone. Of course, having borderline personality disorder, myself, leaves me with some strange fears too. Life is a mystery as well as death...
ReplyDeleteYou touched on some things that i could use to describe myself!
ReplyDeleteI too push people away for fear of getting hurt because i've been so badly hurt in the past. I'm working on this now but its hard. So i know how you feel. Unfortunately, we just have to take a risk and put our trust out there. Yes, we may get hurt again but we may not. I'm praying for the not getting hurt. We can only try, can't we?!
As for being afraid of dying and dying alone; it's not a dumb thing to worry about. These things are thought about all over the world. In every mind. I would be worried if you didn't think these things. It's natural.
And remember, even those who don't have many friends, they still have someone in the world who cares about them and will miss them. It's just a matter of finding out who they are. But trust me, they're there. :)
I know there are people in the world that love me, but I also know that if I were to die right now, by the time someone started to get worried enough to come check on me my corpse would be a rotting mess.
ReplyDeleteI have been there. especially when I was younger. Having lived in 5 different homes growing up. I said, "Who would care if I died?" But then I thought, what difference does it make? I will already be dead, and wont know any difference. It is much more suitable to fear, living life alone. So my fear switched to, who will love me now? or will they love me forever? While I am still alive to care.
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