I'm a Happy Runaway

There is no such thing as pure happiness it is impossible to achieve unless you have the thought that everything in your life is perfect but it can't be because someone will only end up hurting you or stabbing you in the back. Full of nightmares and monsters it's too late for most people because they only expect the worst out of people like me. I can't see all the good in people because most people are evil. So when I meet someone who is a true friend I push them away or purposely piss them off. I wish I could start my life over and redo things that make my life a living nightmare because it is one. So for the rest of my life I'm just a happy runaway on the track to find pure happiness.

I live to please

I've just made a great realization I hate my family but I like them occasionally. I would be sad if they died but I wouldn't be sad if I killed them. Is this making any sense? I wish they were out of my life but would be sad if they were gone forever this is a blog full of contradictions. And I made it through today without trying to kill somebody(figuratively)granted I was sleep most of the day but hey its a major break through for me so I might just celebrate.

I Wish I Was Dead

I wish I was dead. this is not a figure of speech I really wish I was dead. no one would miss me to everyone I'm hust the person who messes up at everything, the one who will never be good enough, the one who will amount to nothing so I wish I was deadbecausee no one loves me and I'm always looking for approval. to the world I am dead.

Becoming a Stereotype

Is it possible to become a sterotype? I mean some people were born like that for example: all rich people are snobs... I was thinking that if you tell someone what they are or you judge them they become the thing that you said they are. For instance my mom is always calling me and my sister and my baby brother smart (not that I'm complaining) but when it comes to my other brother and he brings home his report card or something it's all F's D's and C's. At first I was mad about it because she told me that in no way in hell was I to EVER bring those grades home so I didn't. So my brother, who has ADHD, I guess decided to prove her wrong and show her he wasn't an idiot he brought home A's and B's.

Do you know what the first thing she asked him was? She asked him if he had bribed his teacher. Now I was like damn you didn't even say congratulations or good job or something equally encouraging. The next report card he got his old grades again.

So that's what I was thinking about was it possible with all the discouragement she was showing around him was he becoming the stereotype that just because he has an illness he's dumb. Or does he just want some kind of approval?

One Of The MANY Things Wrong With My Life

I love my mom till death (most of the time) the thing I hate about her is her fat, greasy, over bearing, controlling, haves more problems than a psychiatric ward, idiotic, imbecile, ugly, stupid, demeaning ignorant, asinine,dumb ass, jerk of a boyfriend. He has got to be the biggest asshole in the world for instance last Saturday I went with my brothers and sister to my moms beauty school to get my hair done. When we were done and ready to go she called him to see if he wanted us to come pick him up but he said no go home so we went home after a couple of stops at a few places. When this jerk came to our house he was pissed off because we didn't come and get him so I got dragged into the argument and he started yelling at me. Now I already didn't like him because he snatched out my mother's hair and even before that I didn't like him cause he's a world class asshole. Anyway I started telling back and then I just left. It was a stupid argument to begin with. So they made up or whatever but I was pissed off still. He has made me want to kill him myself my mom and just about everyone around me but one of these days I might self destruct and go crazy it wont be a far trip anyway. He and my mother are one of the many things wrong with my life........